Not Enough

“It’s for the best, you know?” she said, her voice rising over the last words. She wasn’t sure either.
He scoffed “Yeah? You trying to convince me or you?”
“A little of both,” she whispered and she was almost too far away for him to hear. He wished she would step just a bit closer so he could her the beautiful chime of her voice.
They stood in silence and he waited for her to finish walking away. She shuffled her feet and sighed, “I’m scared.”
“No nearly as scared as I am,” he said.
“I know. I’m afraid for you. I’m scared because I can’t make you feel safe,” she said.
He shook his head. “It isn’t your job to make me safe. You’ve got it backwards.”
“I don’t think I do,” she said and half turned towards him. “Relationships should be equal. We are equals. It’s as much my job to protect you as it is yours to protect me.”
His breath caught in his chest. That reminder of one of the many reasons he had fallen for her was almost to much to bare when she was leaving him like this.
She was a strong women, never the damsel in distress. He had always thought he would enjoy rescuing that frail lover from danger but now he knew better. He enjoyed fighting at her side much more.
“I love you,” he whispered through tight lips.
“It’s not enough.”
He watched her walk away and each step rang louder than the last. Something about the way she walked made her even more beautiful. He didn’t need to see her face to know she was upset. It was all around her; radiating and pulsing.
He knew her inside and out. He knew how much energy she had just put into that lie and he knew as soon as she thought no one was around she would break down in a way that would terrify anyone who did see.
She was devastated. But she had made the choice to walk away. The choice to never be in his arms again and the choice to never wake up next to him. Those were the decisions she would have to live with.
As much as he was trying to deny it, those were decisions he had to live with too. And they hadn’t even been his decisions to make.
He tried to look away from the still retreating figure. It was like she was moving in slow motion. The universe was taunting him, delaying this moment as long as possibly. But he just couldn’t bare to look away. If he turned away now he would loose these last few painful moments with her.
And that just wasn’t an option.